1933-3-19: Beware the Schweitzer Cheese and the Metempsychosis

Flensburg, Germany

Südermarkt 4

March 19/33

Dear Phil,

Just finished pressing my trousers so I'll take time out and press this typewriter while I'm in the pressing mood.  I'm doing myself an injustice by writing you this letter because I don't think you answered my last one.  However, we'll say that you didn't get it.  What??!  Yes, I know you are busy but then you ought to be able to do repentance once in a while and drop me one of those anecdotal communications of yours.  Perhaps you can forget to take in one of those dime movies and use the time for said case.

Nun, wie existieren Sie heutzutage!?  In other words, how are you and  your mental faculties standing the existing conditions of worldly turmoil?  Mentally I'm pulling through OK but i have my doubts digestively.  I'm afraid the essence of my individual physique is on the way to a metempsychosis, which all means constipation.  I haven't been able to pass anything but goat pills all day.  Too much of this Schweitzer cheese I reckon.  Ha!!  As I have already said, I just finished pressing my pants.  That is one job that comes around pretty often.  This damp climate up here takes the crease out of a fellow pants like nobody's business.  But as it happened this time, the crease would come out in any man's land.  While walking back from Flatzby-Hols the other night my "Mit" and I got pretty well soaked through.  We came home with mud plumb up to our knees.  I also noticed while pressing my trousers that they were beginning to let the day-light through the seat. What's that a sign of??  An old missionary.  It won't be long until I'll have to be using my vest to sit on, if you know what I mean.  That is one of the qualifications of a good missionary.  Until he has to use his vest to put in the seat of his trousers he is only a Freshman at the game.  They tell a story on one of the missionaries here relative to the fact that the mission president was bawling him out because he didn't have his vest with him at Conference.  The missionary answered, "But, I did bring it."  And so is life, now you tell one. 

Anyway, outside of the climate, I'm enjoying myself immensely.  My labors  seem to become more interesting day by day and my life a little fuller with experiences.  Had I known before hand what there was to be learned in the mission-field I would never have been satisfied without fulfilling one.  There is something about the work that just makes you ask for more.  I never dreamed that I could ever get a testimony of the gospel, but I'm sure of it now.

Yes, the time is passing right by.  Here it is spring, Ho hum!!  I can hardly realize that I have been over here nine months.  At the rate the weeks are passing now I figure life will be just twice as short as it used to be.  So I guess we had better make hay while the sun shines, nicht??!  How are you and your emotional nature combating the feminine situation??  Kelly writes me that you went home for the Freshman Prom.  I presume you broke your quota of the girls hearts before returning.  I wish I could have been able to attend the affair with you.  It gives a fellow a funny feeling when he reads of all his chums attending a blowout without him being able to attend it with them.  Oh well, its all in life.  Perhaps someday we can throw a bigger blowout.  What?!  Kelly also writes that she has been wearing glasses.  How does she look in them?  She won't tell me.  I told her that if she didn't send me a snapshot of herself behind them thar things, I was going to draw some glasses on her picture.  That ought to hold her.  There is one thing happening on account of this mission and that is I'm getting rather indifferent toward the women I used to run around with .  You can keep that mum though because I'm liable to change my mind about the situation.  But, no foolin', a fellow surely does change his mind about things when he gets out into the world and looks around.  Not saying that these "Frauleins" over here look like anything because they don't.  These German fems are too husky.  If I had one of them for a wife I'd hook her up to the plow.  However, there are two or three girls here in this Flensburg branch that give the boys trouble in being master of themselves.  On the whole these "Deutche Frauleins" carry too large a foundation and too large a breast work along with an over sized wheel-base.  In other words the chassis is not quite up to par with the modern American models.  One has to admit though, that the paint jobs are rather neat.  More natural one might say.  By the way, who are you running around with??

Well, old fellow, it is getting right close to a "malzeit" or meal time so I'll have to shut this thing up.  Write me a letter and tell me all about yourself along with the rest of the news of the campus etc.  They tell me that you have a playground job.  If so i take it that you are getting along OK.  By the way, what's all this about the American money going into inflation.  The missionaries haven't been able to cash their money for a week on account of developments of some sort in America.  American money has already dropped seven pfenigs on the dollar.  Here's hoping it doesn't drop anymore, otherwise the American Consul will have to be shipping us boys home.  Whatever this little scare is it is certainly working over here.  My companion went to the Bank to cash some green-backs and he had to wait in line all morning before being able to get to the window.  All of these old German Heinies have had American money stored away in their sock and now they are rushing the banks before it isn't any good. 

Be good.

Sincerely yours,

Clarence

P.S.  I guess you have heard that Hitler got into the Reich Präsidentshaft over here.  He seems to be after big things.  He is taking drastic plans against he communists and they don't like it at all.  They have little battles in the streets and everything.  The other day the communists got out their machine guns and started after them.  Believe me I have certainly been steering clear of crowds lately.  A guy never knows when someone is going to start shooting.